Sophie
Today was the big day. We were going to become parents again!
We got up about 6:00 to get ready for the day. It was hot outside. Immediately after getting out of the shower, you started to perspire so much, you felt like you needed another shower. The girls were up early and ate some slices of tangerine and drank some milk. About 7:30 P. and T. came to get us to go to breakfast. It was a really good buffet with a wide selection of western and Vietnamese food. The fruit was amazing. The girls’ ate well and seemed to be doing well. The nanny was reserved and appeared to be contemplating what was about to happen. She raised the girls since they were 1 day old. Since she had the twins, she did not have any other children to care for. She loves the girls as she was their mother and in a way she is the only mother they have known.
After breakfast, we loaded up in the bus for a short trip to the DMOJ (Ministry of Justice) office downtown. We arrived at 8:30 for our 9:00 appointment. We were told to sit on the benches in the lobby and wait. Although we could bring cameras and photograph inside the building, we were prohibited from photographing the exterior of the building. The building was like any government office building, people shuffling paper, people coming in to have appointments and being told to wait. T. and P. (the men) each wore slacks and short-sleeved shirts. The women had to wear long-sleeved shirts and pants to the ceremony.
About 8:50, we were invited up for the ceremony. The only people who could come were the family and L., who served as our interpreter. The room was a small office with a conference table. In the office was the head of the committee that approved our adoption and two other committee members. The head of the committee began to read the adoption decree and tell us of the importance of adopting these girls. She asked us to make sure the girls understood their heritage. She also asked us to raise them as good citizens and to bring them back to Vietnam to visit. After here speech, we started signing documents. Each of these documents had to be signed in blue ink, sealed with a red seal and was notarized. The last document we had to sign was the adoption ledger. It is a huge book, like an old banker’s ledger, with a line for each child adopted from the province. The ledger was all hand-written. We then took photos with the girls, the nanny and the committee members. We were officially parents again. Next, we went to the office of another government official. She asked us to raise the girls to become good citizens and asked us to ensure they understood their heritage. Then it came our turn to talk. They asked us to make a few comments to the committee and thank them for allowing us to adopt the girls. I let P. handle this. By 9:20 we were leaving the building and going back to the shopping center across the street to wait for all the certified, notarized documents we would need to take to the embassy to get the girls’ visas.
While we were there, the nanny fed the girls and we waited. When we boarded the bus, she came with us as far as the bus station. When we dropped her off the girls began to cry and get upset. Y., Ms. H, and Ms. N., were great at calming the girls down. Since N. was a frequent visitor to the orphanage, the girls climbed up next to her. After about 15 minutes (it seemed longer at the time), the girls began to settle down; they ate a little and fell asleep.
On the 24th we got up early to pick up the girls and the nanny at the orphanage to travel to Phan Thiet, which is the capital of the province of Binh Thuan. We were given permission to take the girls early to Phan Thiet so we would not have to get up at 4:00 a.m. to make it our 9:00 G & R ceremony. This was going to be a big day for the girls. The nanny told us that they were so healthy that they never had to leave the orphanage to go to the doctor. This was going to be their first time on a bus, the first time leaving the orphanage, the first time to go shopping, the first time to eat at a restaurant, and the first time to see the ocean or step on a beach.
We arrived at the orphanage at 9:30. We were again greeted by the children at the gate. Vy and Van were holding back a bit. They were with their nanny, who was tearful. The girl’s leaving was also hard on many of the other nannies and the older children that live at the orphanage. The nanny would accompany us to Phan Thiet. We arranged for two rooms when we got there. T. and P. were to be in one in one and I was to be in another one with the nanny and the girls.
It took about 2 hours to drive to Phan Thiet. When we arrived we stopped at the shopping center to pick up some familiar food items for the girls, water and other items. One thing (really two things) we did not get was potty chairs. The girls had not used western facilities and needed training chairs. The bus driver later went out shopping for us and got the chairs. After shopping, we went to the hotel. The hotel was located on the beach and was very nice. The only surprise we had was in the bathroom. Each bathroom was open to the outside. Although it was shielded from view by a brick fence, it was interesting to experience that. After lunch the girls went down for a nap. It was very hot outside, so everyone rested in their rooms until later in the day. About 4:00 T., L. and N. went down to the beach. When nap time was over, P., I, the nanny and the girls also went to the beach. They did not want to go near the water, but were content to sit and watch T. play in the water.
In the evening the plan was to have P. and I spend some time with the girls. We started with the nanny there. We started playing games and throwing a beach ball back and forth. They had a great time. During the game the nanny slipped out, leaving P. and I with the girls. They were fine until the noticed the nanny was gone. The both got very sad and began to cry. It breaks your heart, because they can’t find comfort from your touch. The push your hand away and continue to cry. P. and I sat near them and talked in soothing tones to them, and stroked each of the girls’ hair as they would let us. Pretty soon the uncontrollable crying was over. They were very tired and began to cuddle together while they were sitting and started rocking back and forth. Van rocked herself to sleep. Vy was determined and kept rocking and rocking.
After a couple of hours the nanny came back. They both woke up and changed into pajamas. They were still tired, but we got some smiles out of them before P. left. I and the nanny put the girls down to bed.
Day 4 at the orphanage
This morning will be our last time visiting the orphanage. Tomorrow we will pack our bags and travel to the orphanage to pick up the girls and their nanny and travel to a resort near Phan Teit. Our G&R will be Thursday morning at 9 am. Since it is a long drive to the city we will travel on Wednesday stay the night, have the G&R on Thursday and return to Saigon that same day. Friday, we will rise early and fly to Hanoi to start out paperwork. Many new adventures will be in store for the girls since they have never been out of the orphanage or traveled in a vehicle.
As we entered the orphanage the children came running to meet all of us. Vy and Van were next to their nanny as they have been for all our visits. Soon we got smiles and we headed in the entryway of the center. First we pulled out the airplane which is always a big hit and the people to go with it. Vy had some interest in the people but Van only wanted to listen to the song. Today we brought a long a beach ball for the girls to play with. They were quite interested in P blowing up this ball and how it expanded. It took them just a few minutes to warm up to the idea and then the fun began. At one point we had as many as 5 children in the room with only us so I asked T to get the staff to remove some of the kids in which they promptly did. Having to many children around can make the girls worry about losing their possessions and our attention. The only child that remained was X and she was so sweet and quiet. We handed her a color and a page and she was content coloring on her own. This was a big step for her because she has not wanted anything to do with us before now. She is shy like the girls.
The morning continued with more bubbles and beach ball play. Soon it was time for the girls to eat. They rushed off to the nanny but kept peeking through the doorway to make sure we were still there. We slowly made our way into the room as they finished their lunch and started a good game of peek a boo and beach ball throwing.
All around a very good day with the girls with more progress.
The days started with breakfast at the hotel and then loaded the bus to go to the orphanage for the morning. I started the visit with the girls and blowing bubbles. Yesterday they really enjoyed blowing bubbles. We sat down with them outside on a woven matt. They were with their nanny sitting one on each side of her. They were reserved and a little cool to us this morning, until the bubbles started. Then they lit up and started to smile with big grins on their faces. Now, we are having fun.
After bubble time, we moved inside to the play room. Before we settled down, I asked if the girls would like to show us their bed and dresser. With huge smiles on their faces they quickly walked towards their room often looking back to see if we were following. We entered the room where the girls and the other younger children sleep. The girls were so excited to show us what little they have. We again made it to the floor to start playing with the girls and within about 10 minutes, the nanny slipped out and it was just the family (and the other children who wandered in and out). We played with the girls, ate chocolate, teddy graham crackers. They are so dainty when they eat. It takes them 5-8 bites to eat just one. I pulled out the combs and we asked if we could comb their hair. They let us comb their hair, and they even took the combs and started combing our hair, even though P does not have much to comb. At one point Van had a tear or two, but she never left the room and did not want the nanny. Later in the morning, we again pulled out the balls. This time it was it was a family affair. The girls had a great time throwing balls at T and P. Vy was very outgoing and very verbal. When some of the other children would come in, she would tell us their name.
The morning flew by and it was time to leave to regroup and take naps including the girls.
Afternoon Day 3
This afternoon our visit would be from 3 to 5 that would give us a little extra time to rest before heading to the orphanage. It may sound like we get tired easily, but believe it or not it is hard work trying to earn the trust of the girls. Physically draining sitting on hard concrete floors in 90 plus heat with 80 plus humidity and mentally trying to keep the girls engaged at all times along with trying to read them developmentally and emotionally.
Again the girls did a reversal of the morning. Vy normally the leader was having a hard time and Van the shy one was coming out of her shell. I was trying to think of a new game plan for each day, and without having a lot of materials to work with it is a challenge. We started out with colors and coloring books. I was not sure if they were ready for this but we would give it a shot. Luck was with us and coloring was a big hit. We all colored for over 20 minutes. Each girl held the color properly and tried to stay in the lines. I was pleased that they enjoyed this activity. Some of the older children entered the room from time to time and joined in coloring.
Next, I pulled out of my bag books to read. They were curious about the books, but you could tell they had not been read to very often. The two books that were a hit were two I picked up in Saigon at a book store on Doung Khoi Street. The books are written in English and Vietnamese with large colorful pictures. I gave each girl a book and they enjoyed looking at them. When one of the other children would come and try to look at the books they would put up a fight to keep them.
It is common practice among the children in the orphanage to protect what is theirs. If anything is not guarded it will be taken by the other children maybe never to return. We helped the girls with protecting their toys and realized early on that would let us move the toys so other children would not get to the toys and books. It really showed that they were beginning to trust us. This too was a full time job. If anything left your sight, you might not ever see it again. Shoes are a great example. You leave your shoes at the door of the orphanage. They are never where you left them. Little feet are always in big sandals walking around. I learned this the first day when I brought toys for the girls and they never returned. I feel bad that I can’t leave all the toys for the children because they have so little, but we need some familiar toys for the girls for the next few weeks and our plane ride to Hanoi and home.
When the coloring and books lost their interest I pulled out a F.P. airplane. It is a great toy, all the children at the orphanage loved it so we had to be very protective of it for the girls. The girls found out that if you push the pilot seat down it will sing a song. This is a big hit. They love music and it creates the biggest smiles on their faces. The best thing of the day was to hear them speak. Vy stared rambling on and on we have no idea what she was saying except when she said the children’s names who entered the room. Van joined in also and they were talking to each other in twin talk. Such good news since I am concerned about there language development. At least now I know they will use their voices and can say some words even though we have no idea what they are saying.
I asked them if they wanted to go for a walk and motioned to the door. They got up and we all went outside for a short stroll. They were very leery at first but did follow us. Then their nanny came out with their supper. Vietnamese culture is to hand feed the children. They do not like the mess that children make when they self-feed and they want to make sure the children get enough nutrition. The girls do feed themselves’ snacks and drink from a cup on their own just not the main meals.
It was getting time to leave and the temp was cooling off just tolerable for us, but for the children and nannies it was getting cold. Out came the sweaters for each of the children so they would not catch a chill. We said our good byes. Each of us got a hand shake, a cheek to cheek kiss and a blown kiss. As we walked down the drive way the girls followed us and stopped just short of the gate. Another big step, never before have they walked down to the entrance of the orphanage.
Each visit the girls are coming out of their shells and trust us more and more. We have been so blessed to be able to have this time with them.
It was 8:00 and we are loading the bus for a 20 minute ride to the orphanage. We all enjoy this drive because we are able to see a glimpse into the lives of the Vietnamese people. School children heading to Mass in there Navy pants or skirt and white shirt the same uniform they were to school except for the scarf around their neck. When going to school the children were a red scarf. On Sundays they were blue, green, or yellow scarves with a yellow cross on the tip that hangs down their backs according to the age of the student. Adults are heading to mass or to do their daily chores, field work, sales, tending to animals etc. We always enjoy looking for a water buffalo. Binh Thuan Province does not have as many water buffalo as the southern Provinces so it is fun trying to spot one along the road or in the fields.
We turn down the last road to the orphanage there is a large school on the left and police station on the right. Today, being Sunday both were very quiet. The orphanage is right next to the school on the left. As the bus pulls up to the gate we see the young children running to the gate to meet us. The twins are not among the children. They are waiting with their nanny sitting on the door step of one of the entrances to the play room. Again they are tightly glued to their nanny. She has been their care giver since they were one day old, so they are very attached to her and her to them.
We started the day with gift giving. Our wonderful church and friends had given us donations of clothing, medical supplies, and dental supplies for the orphanage. We left 2 duffle bags of donations with the agency in Saigon, but still had another bag to bring to Binh Thuan. We pulled out all the items and gave them to the orphanage director. After the adult time, we pulled out 3 bottles of bubbles. The children had a ball blowing bubbles and catching them only to watch them pop. Van and Vy were great at blowing bubbles. Both girls had very big smiles and laughed.
We entered the play room, a 20 X 20 room painted a worn bluish green color. There is a swing and a collapsed plastic ball play area and plastic balls scattered around the room. The twins and the nanny joined us in the room along with Y and L to translate. The girls sat on the swing with another little girl while the adults sat on the floor. This morning we were going to interview the nanny and try to find out as much as we can about the girls. Priceless to say the least, it was so nice of Y to set this up for us. We were able to find out about there lives at the orphanage and their personalities their likes and dislikes. We did find out that they have never stepped foot outside the orphanage gates. Having never had anything medical more than a simple cold there was no need to leave the orphanage. Oh how their world will change.
As we were talking and the girls were swinging Van got very sad and began to cry. She obviously knows her world will be changing. She is the shyer one of the twins and seems to worry more. They both headed over to their nanny. The nanny told Vy to get a wet cloth for her sister and she quickly left and returned with a cloth. As the nanny consoles Van and washes her tears away Vy sits down behind Van as to protect her. We talked a little bit more and then it was time for the girls to eat and us to leave. As we left the girls shook our hand and off we went down the drive to the bus. We would head back to the resort until 2:00 when we would make the trip over again.
Afternoon of day 2
Our second visit of the day started out as the others. Entering the play room and sitting and playing with the girls. This time the nanny ever so quietly left the girls alone with us. Oh how hard this must be for her. She is such a brave and courageous person with a smile on her face but I can feel the breaking of her heart. She is so strong in front of the twins; she knows it is only in the best interest of the girls. These have been her girls for the last 3.5 years and now she is handing them over to us. I do not have the word of gratitude I feel towards her. A simple thank you and a small gift is just not enough but it is all we are allowed to do. I feel like we owe her the world for taking such good care of our girls.
The time spent with the girls is so precious. We are slowly making progress and I thank the agency for being able to pull this extended visitation together. This time Van was happy and not tearful but Vy was having a hard time with a worried look on her face and tears. It was sad and hard to see but I know that it is healthy for them to feel this way. This transition is a process and it is important to go through it and not around it so it was actually a positive sign that both have shown sadness and worry. They understand something is going to happen and can process it in their minds.
We have still not been able to hold them they are not ready for this. We can touch them and play with there hair but they are not ready to be held that right now is for the nanny to do. I don’t want to push them to much in fear of them regressing from all the progress we have made.
During our visit it seemed like all the children came into the play room. It was very loud and busy. Eventually, one of the older children started throwing the balls. The ball fight was on. Depending on where you were in the room during the first throw determined your team. Van and Vy both joined in and had a great time, as did the adults, including Ms. H. It was very special to see their faces light up and smile while we were playing with the balls.
The time flew by as it has the last 2 visits and it is time to say our good byes. Teddy and Pat got a cheek to cheek kiss. We all shook hands and blow kisses and off we went. Another good day with small steps to earning the girls’ trust as we head into a new beginning.
We are hoping for a G&R date for the week of Oct.22 however we were still filling out corrected forms yet this morning. Since we are the first family to adopt from Binh Thuan since the moratorium the forms needed to be revised for Binh Thuan slowing the process down. We are still hopeful for the week of the 22nd with a G&R on the 24th. If this is the case we will leave for VN on the 16th and are hoping to spend 4 days with the girls before the G&R. Wish us luck that things go smoothly from now on. I will keep you posted as travel time comes closer.
Dragon Fruit is a fruit grown in Binh Thuan Provence. It is so interesting. The above photo shows what the outside looks like. The Vietnamese grow it in groves within feet of their homes.
If the outside is not interesting enough the inside is as interesting. Who would think when you cut dragon fruit open that it would be white with black seeds.
Dragon fruit being sold in the market.
Playing with Ba at the orphanage. 
